It has thrown a wrench into my heart and life.
I was so close with my grandma. She lived with my mom since I graduated high school. I saw her practically every day of my life. She was full of life, and spunk. We had such a special relationship and she loved my daughter to pieces. My grandmother had 5 other great-grandchildren, but her and Kennedy were so connected. Connected more than any other two people in my family. She saw her two days a week when my mom babysat Kennedy and she would just engulf herself in all things baby. She could be in the worst pain ever and as soon as we would walk through the door in the morning and she heard Kennedy running back to her room, her face would lighten up and her spirits were instantly better. It breaks my heart not only for losing my grandma, and my mom losing her mother, but for Kennedy. Being only 16 months old, she will never remember all of these memories they had. She will never remember just how close they were and how much she meant to my grandma. I wish I could have bottled all of that love up and kept it forever.
I know she isn't in pain anymore. I know she is with my grandpa and her family and loved ones she has lost. It is just so hard to not be selfish in this grieving and wish just for "our" sake down here that she was still here. God has a plan. God is amazing. I have to always remember to have trust in that.
Today we go to say our final goodbye to an amazing woman, the best way that we can. I am hoping that today will bring some sort of understanding to my mother of what was meant to be at this time. It will be a long road to acceptance that she is gone, and there will be plenty of mourning and tears, but I know that my grandmother would have wanted us to celebrate her life. Remember the good times. That is what she worked so hard for, for us to appreciate life and remember all the special times we had with her.
Today our family will mourn a great woman. Tomorrow, we will continue life, honoring her memory.
Rest in peace Grandma.