True life: I married George Clooney
He is no longer America's Bachelor thanks to me.
What? How can you not believe me?
I have proof.
What more do you need?
I would totally pick out that bouquet of plastic leaves in real life.
We went to Vegas and got married.
Well ok, he was already there, but I met him there.
He is so kind.
And hot. In a waxy figure sort of way.
My husband was the photographer.
Oh, and the witness.
Him and his mom.
So supportive, those two.
In all fairness, Andy then went and had a one-night stand with Jenna Jameson.
And let's not even talk about the sketchy party my MIL attended.
He liquored her up and made her wear the ears.
Thankfully Jack Sparrow rode up on the Black Pearl and was able to fight them off and save us.
"I'll never let go Jack..."
Oh wait, wrong movie.
After all of the family drama with the quickie marriages and rendezvous, we thought it was best we seek out a professional to help us get our family back together.
And just so you know, this was most definitely not just a bunch of celebrity figures at the wax museum. ;)