The not so glamorous life.

Today is a little deeper.  I don't know why but for the past week or so, I have been really affected by my father. I rarely talk about him on here, I think I have only actually once. I try not to dwell on the negative things, but hey I am human.. sometimes the negative things just take over your day.

I told you all in a previous post that he is an alcoholic. 
I do my best to not think about that, but there are days when I let it get to me.

I see how Andy is with Kennedy and I can't imagine how a father can ever choose ANYTHING over their children.  Especially Alcohol. From what I remember from my childhood, I had a great relationship with my dad. I was a daddy's girl. I followed him around like a puppy. 

Where did we go wrong?

When my parents divorced I feel like I was part of the split. 
He gets house, truck, snowmobile.
She gets Car, pets & children.
Sign here.. initial there.

Every time a holiday comes around I wonder what he is doing. Should I reach out to him? Will he reach out to me?  His side of the family pretty much hates my older sister and I for not "just dealing with it" and accepting him for who he is.  So much for unconditional love.

I love my dad. I love him to the very deepest part of my soul. But I don't love the person he is. I don't love the choices he makes. I don't love having to be the parent in the relationship.

Since my parents' divorce, my relationship has been strained with my dad.  My mom remarried and my dad hated that. Somehow I got stuck in the middle of that anger and it was my fault that she was happy with someone else. "Oh that's right you have a new dad" or "go have fun with your new dad" are things I heard all too often.  This went on for years. The only time he would ever call was when he was drunk and wanted to pick a fight. Up until right before my wedding in 2009.  My sister got married in June of 2009 and my dad came up for it... with his new wife. #3. Didn't bother to tell anyone beforehand that he got married. That was awkward for everyone involved. I didn't even know this lady. Needless to say there was a bunch of drama at my sister's wedding because of her and I swore that I would not put up with that at mine.

Fast forward to October 2009. I send out invitations. I do not include my dad's wife. Shit hits the fan.  Keep in mind that I had met this woman TWICE in my life for a total of 5 hours. They split up before they were married & after, about a dozen times. They got into an argument and she broke everything in their house & threw a fan at him, breaking his glasses & then called the cops when my uncle went over to help move her things AT HER REQUEST saying they were trying to kick her out.  Oh wait, did I mention that from what I hear she is a recovered drug addict? Yeah, no thanks.  I talked to my dad before the invitations went out and told him she was not welcome at my wedding.  He agreed. He didn't think it was a good idea for her to come either.  Ok, so back to invitation time. His arrives at his house, she checks mail, sees just his name. Flips.  So he starts drinking, and calls me yelling at me that I didn't invite her. Saying awful things. Hurtful things that I will never forget.  So I tell him then he isn't welcome at my wedding either.

::heart sinks::

I haven't seen or talked to him really since.  When Kennedy was born I got a facebook message from him saying "I hear I am a new grandpa" and then he proceeded to take pictures from my facebook page of her and post them on his to show her off.

I am sorry but I do not want my newborn daughter's pictures on YOUR facebook for all of your friends to see. No way in hell. That was the end of that. I had to block him.

But at the end of the day he is still my dad.  Am I wrong for what I am doing?  I don't know. I struggle with this. I know that I am not perfect. I know that I have hurt his feelings in the past by things that I have said in an argument. I know that he needs help. And I know that I can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do himself.  But I have to protect my family and my daughter.  I can't let someone into K's life as a role model figure that just isn't. I can't let him make empty promises to her and see her get let down over and over like I have done since I was 11. I have held onto faith for so long that things would get better, that he would get the help he needs. But he hasn't. I can't control his life.

His family is right. He has the right to live his life however he wants, but so do I.

And that includes protecting my family until the day I die.

Fashionista Friday!

Hey guys!  I am a little late in the evening with this but I didn't want to miss Lindsey's link-up!
One because I am a link-up whore. What can I say, I love them. Secondly, because she is one of my closest bloggy friends.

So my favorite outfit from this week was actually what I wore today!

Shirt: Forever 21

Necklace: J.Crew

Leggings: Old Navy

Boots: Steve Madden

Let's not forget my adorable husband that wanted to join in on the fun....

Awww. what a prize ;)

Anyone else that wants to link-up with Linds, please head over to her blog & join in. If you don't get a chance this week.. don't forget to next week!

Happy Friday!

Scentsy!

My Dear Friends

I have exciting news! 


no I'm not pregnant.... yet. {gasp}

I have joined Scentsy as an independent consultant. I am super excited for this adventure and hoping to make even greater connections with all of your lovely bloggers I already know and love.  I have linked up my Scentsy page at the top of my blog, so please head over there and check out some of the great things we have to offer!  You can order directly through my site and can have it shipped right to your front door. How neat is that?  Did I mention that they have amazing scents? 

While out visiting my bestfriend Sarah in Oregon this June, she introduced me to Scentsy Wickless Candles. Her house smelled amazing and I couldn't concentrate on anything else. It was that good. Trust me, her and I are both scent freaks. Especially around Fall and Christmas. Luckily for me (and you!) they have scents throughout the entire year that go perfect with the season.  My favorite part about Scentsy is that there is no wick. No fire. No fire hazard.  This is a mother's dream. And super affordable!

I am still learning a lot about it but if you have any questions please feel free to send them my way and I'd be happy to answer them for you. If I don't have the answer for you, I will definitely do my best to find the answer for you.
I am so looking forward to this!! I'll post about some deals and whatnot going on from time to time but I won't overload you by any means. I am not a in-your-face kind of person.  But please, if your interested in trying any of them out, you won't be disappointed. If you do go over to my site and check it out.. I highly recommend the "home sweet home". It is delicious. I am sure I will soon have many other favorites, but this one is definitely a keeper. It's the scent that got me hooked in the first place and is currently going in our living room!

xox

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Wanted to give a very special birthday shout-out to my amazing friend....

Happy 26th lovey!!
Have a wonderful day!

Crafty mama.. maybe?

Ok so I am dipping my hand in the crafty jar again.  I know the times are few and far between but I am really trying to be better and use my "vision" when looking at things.

Well for my next project, I will be re-doing a table and chairs.  These days it is so hard to find a dining room set that is made out of good, strong wood and when you do it comes with a hefty price that I am not interested in spending.  You see we have a perfectly fine kitchen table. But we bought it when we were renting our last house and it went perfectly fine. When we moved into our house here, it still "went" with the decor but I wasn't loving it.  Our floors are oak, our cabinets are oak & guess what color the table is??? You guessed it. OAK. A little too much for my taste. I am more of a dark brown kind of girl. I love the deep browns.  So little by little, we are changing our trim out to white. And I really want a dark table.

Problem is, it is hard to add a table into the budget when it is just a want and not a need. So I went to craigslist. I have been looking for quite sometime now & I think I found the winner. I am not scared of a little staining project at all so really I was quite happy with what I found.

Ok, this is where you need to use that "vision" I was telling you about earlier.

needs a little love, no?  But for $30 dollars could I really pass it up? Not a chance.  I will be sanding, stripping, staining, and new cushion this baby and hopefully {fingers crossed} it will look totally fabulous in our dining area. If it doesn't.. it was $30 and I can live with that, but I have faith.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Did I mention that I also snagged two barely used white wicker chairs for my front porch off of craigslist for $40? And we are in love with them!! Such a great find.  I am totally turning into the frugal mama. But hey.. my husband and checkbook are loving it! ;)

411 link-up!

Hey guys. I have another link-up for you! I know, I know you are thinking "what the heck, this girl is all about Q&A" but I do have actual thoughts to write as well, I promise. I just like to link-up when some of my good friends are hosting them. You know, show them some love.

So today, I am linking up with Miss Becky. And I hope you will too!

1. How long have you been blogging? And what got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed? I have been blogging since 2009 right before I got married. I remember wanting to start a blog so that my bestfriend could keep up with what was going on in my life. She moved to Oregon. Although, in college I used to blog as well.. in LiveJournal.  My blog has changed a little. I started out talking wedding, then it turned into pregnancy blog, mama blog, and now I like to write about anything and everything.

2. Did you go to college? If so where, and what did you study? Yes, I went to college, I attended Northern Michigan University and studied Business with a Health Information Processing focus. (diagnostic testing, and medical coding)

3. Where have you traveled? I have been to Washington D.C., Chicago, Puerto Vallarta Mexico, Jamaica, San Francisco, Las Vegas, New York City, Marco Island Florida, Oregon {a couple of times}, soon to be Riviera Maya Mexico & Disney World. And I have taken roadtrips to a LOT of places.

4. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy? I would pay off all of our mortgages, personal & business.

5. What are your 3 biggest pet peeves? people that leave an empty roll of toilet paper on the holder, people who drive like idiots, and when people say words that gross me out.... just to gross me out. hate that.

6. What is your favorite movie? The Bodyguard or The Cutting Edge

7. What is your drink of choice; wine, beer, or liquor. Or Water, Soda, Tea? Water or Wine

8. What is something you enjoy to do when you have me time? Go to Target. :)

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be? Pottery Barn although I feel like $10,000 wouldn't get me very far in that store....

10. Share with us an embarrassing moment of your past? Or present. when I made my mom drive me 30 minutes to bring me to the ER in the middle of the night in a AWFUL snowstorm because I thought I was dying. My skin was a blue tint and I SWORE that my veins were bursting inside my body. Only to have the ER doctor wipe my arm with an alcohol swab and reveal that it really was just dye from a new comforter that I had gotten for Christmas. It's true. I have witnesses.

11. What day would you love to relive again? The day Kennedy was born. Over and over again. After the c-section.

12. If your life was turned into a movie... what actor would play you? Rebecca Budig.  I am obsessed with her, she is a brunette and she plays sassy really well on camera.

13. What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years? In highschool I worked at A&W for a summer, then worked at a tanning salon. In college I worked at NMU for a year, then worked at a Pharmacy for the next 4 years until I graduated college. After college I worked in a dental office{loved}, then at a chiropractic office until I just started working at our family's dealership after Kenne was born.

14. Show us a picture from high school or college.

Senior Class trip

15. If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go? Italy to both vacation and look up my family history and maybe track down family that I have never met.

16. Show us the most current picture of you or you and your family.

most recent of me. taken last tuesday with my nephew

family. this is bad. this picture is from April in Chicago.
I need to get on that ASAP.

17. Where do you see your life 5 years from now? hopefully in our new house, chasing another little child around ;)

Sunday Social Week 6

Hey guys! I am linking up with Neely for Sunday Social! I have missed the last 5 weeks of it, but I am definitely thinking about sticking around.

This week the questions are all about travel!

Best trip you've ever been on?

I'd have to go with our honeymoon in Jamaica. Although we didn't have very many sunny days while we were there.. we had an amazing time!

Sandals, Ocho Rios

Right before our Catamaran ride out to go snorkeling

climbing Dunns River Falls

side by sides through the jungle!

Best idea for a girls' weekend trip?

A weekend at camp! In college we always went to my friends camp for a long weekend in the summer. It was about 2 hours away, no cell service, and a lake.  We used to have different themes.

Best idea for a couple's trip?

Somewhere where you don't know anyone else in the city so that you can just enjoy eachother's company. We have such busy lives at home and meetings, and work trips, and dinners to go to that is is nice to just have the two of you. Andy and I love to just get in the car and go somewhere.

At the top of Sugarloaf overlooking Lake Superior

Mexico 2009.

Best vacation on the cheap?

Marco Island, Florida

Andy's grandparents used to have a condo down there so his family would always go down every year to visit. That stopped before I met him, but just last year his parents rented a house down there for a month and drove down. We were able to fly down there and stay with them for a week at the house. All we had to do was get there, they had a vehicle and place to stay!

Place you most want to visit?

Within the Continental US: Maine (In the fall)

US: Hawaii

Other: Italy or Fiji

I know.. such a tough decision, right?

Vacation/Travel Necessities

Camera, dramamine, sunscreen, swimsuits, weather appropriate clothing, photo album of Kennedy, a good book.

Can't wait to link up next week!

Deciding on Baby No. 2

Andy and I have been talking baby #2 lately. 

More like asking ourselves a million questions.
Do we want to have another child? mainly because I had such a rough pregnancy
When is the best time for us to?
Should we focus on getting into the house we will be building first?
Do we put our house building plans on hold for now and expand our family first?
Do we want Kennedy to be out of diapers completely and a little older so she is more independent or do we want them closer in age?
Now that Kennedy is getting easier to travel with do we want to go places with her and focus on her first or go back to having a newborn so soon and not being able to travel a ton for a few more years?
Am I ready for daycare?  You see my mom and MIL watch Kennedy throughout the week now, but I know 2 kids at one time would be a little much for them.
The answer is.. I don't know if we have the answers to any of those questions. I struggle with this everyday.  There are so many days where I am so grateful that I get to spend so much time with just Kennedy and myself and focus all of my attention on her and teach her things. I think I am terrified that my next pregnancy will be like my last... I will be sick, miserable and on bedrest.  And if that happens, everyone suffers... especially Kennedy.

Then you have the moments when my friends are having babies and being able to hold them or see pictures of them puts me in full blown baby fever. somebody call the doctor! I loved Kenne as an infant and every age so far and I know any future children would be just the same.

My MIL quoted an old family friend to me lasnight at dinner. She said "If Dr. Pearson were still alive he would be telling you 'you two need to be having babies all of the time, you make beautiful children'" I know, she is grandma so she says things like that, but it was really sweet to think, and of course it put baby on the brain for me instantly.

We have also talked about adoption. All of my life I have said that I would love to adopt. When I was in middle school and high school I used to cut the pictures out of different magazines that showed a child up for adoption and hang them in my locker. There are a couple of concerns that I have with adoption though. 

Domestic Adoption:  My biggest fear with this is receiving a child to adopt and having the mother or father coming back to try to take them away. A lot of the children that are up for adoption in the U.S. come up for adoption because a parent lost the rights to this child.  So what happens in a few years when or if the parent does all of the things to get their life right and want to fight for their child back. I don't think I have the strength to endure something like that.

International Adoption: When I was in high school I used to babysit for two children that were both adopted from Russia.  They were so amazing and I loved babysitting for them. I think that made me really interested in Russia. The situation you run into with adopting from there is that they require both parents to make two trips over there to spend time with the child and both trips have to be 2 weeks long.  Unfortunately, that isn't a possibility for us right now. Andy could never leave that much from work and I don't think we would be able to be away from Kennedy for that long of a time period.  Then there is the Philippines. When my uncle was in the Navy, he was stationed in Japan. He met a woman from the Philippines, and they were married over there. They had 4 children together and raised them for most of their life in the Philippines and he retired while living over there. I have always been close to the two oldest children and now they all live in the states so we get to see them more. 

out on the town!

Theresa with Kennedy

With that connection, I would love to adopt a child from the Philippines. In doing this, they only ask that one parent makes the trip and comes over to spend time with the child before they take them home. My uncle still has a couple of houses in the Philippines and all of my Auntie Angie's family still live over there. She would be more than happy to accompany me there and help me get around.

At the end of the day though I think Andy would really like to have another biological child. 
maybe I can convince him of having 3 children?? ;)

There are just so many things to think about and decide. My brain is filled with questions and answers and some more questions.  I pray a lot about this hoping to find the right answers and I feel like we will figure it out soon. We have a couple trips coming up that we for sure want to wait until after for me to be pregnant so I know we have some time. We will be in Mexico in November, and at Disney in February. Although that is where Andy's mom was when she found out she was pregnant with Andy....hmmmm very interesting.

Until then, I am going to enjoy every moment with just the 3 of us.

xo

Bachelor Recap

Can I just say that I was balling like a baby during the Bachelorette lastnight.
Full out. Sobbing, Can't breathe crying.

(image from google)

The worst part is that I did already see on Reality Steve who Emily ends up with so I knew it was coming.  I love Sean, and loved Sean for her. He was the only one that I could see really meshing into her life well. His job would allow him to be whereever they chose to go together, he was from the South, the looks were there, the personality was spot on. He is just an all around genuine guy.

I feel like if she picks Jef, she still has to actually meet his parents and they will have their own opinion, and I feel like it will have to be Utah. His business is there and it sounds like his family is really close and all live there.  He is such a caring guy as well though, so we will see.

Arie, I would be hestitant about. I mean he is HOT and he seems so nice, but he also would be gone all the time for races, and he has this side that I just don't trust for some reason. He does seem to be 100% respectful of Emily, and obviously cares a lot about him, but still isn't she doing this for Ricky to have a family and hopefully have more children right away? I don't see that happening with him. I fear that he would be gone so much, that she would be home by herself, which she is tired of being.

Well like I said, I already know what happens, but I will not share that with you guys out of respect :)
.
Can we please have Sean as the next Bachelor??? Pleaseeeee ABC? 

(image from google)

I clearly haven't had enough of him yet.

Wait is that possible?

Ps. dont forget to check out my previous post... ask me anything!

Q & A

Friends.. it's time for some questions and answers. I haven't done this for awhile now and I figured maybe some of you guys have had some that came up. 

Curiosity killing you??  Go ahead and ask... ask whatever your little heart desires.

I'll be honest.. hell I might even vlog the answers ;)

think of anything you might really really REALLY want to know about me.

ok... ready set go.

no really, go. Ask.

My loves

my loves..